ugh

I didnt think i'd be making another post so soon but oh, man, i feel horrid. My intestines are doing bad painful things, i feel like i'm going to hurl, i've gotten about two hours of sleep and i need to leave for therapy in half an hour. I hope my ondansetron kicks in soon. I really dont want to go to therapy and start vomiting because my digestive system hates me. I hate this. I really do. I'm tired of being so sick for unknown reasons and the most my doctors will give me is 'nothings wrong.' Yeah, nothing wrong my foot. There's definitely nothing wrong when you vomit around five - ten times a year and dont even get me started on how many flipping hours i spend in the bathroom on the bathroom rug leaning against the wall next to the toilet, curled up in a towel and wanting to die or just anything to just make it stop. I hate it. I need to be able to sleep. I really do. Insomnia and sleep deprivation does nothing to help depression and anxiety, which in turn do nothing to help my digestive problems and headaches. I'm unwilling to go back to my nurse practitioner, because i think that title says it all. I'm sure she is good for what she is equipped for, but what i deal with is more chronic and serious then what she is most certainly able to help with. I feel bad saying that but its true. You go to walk in clinics for things like a broken finger, a bad cold or flu, things like that. Not severe depression and anxiety which loves to wreak havoc on your body. I've just finally gotten up to a healthier weight. Yay no longer under 100lbs. Ugh i'm bouncing all over and its past 2pm. Then again it takes like 15 minutes to get there... i think i'm going to sit here and write on here. Its giveing me something else to do besides focusing on how awful i feel. And if that means going to therapy in my pajamas, who cares. Its more comfortable and less invasive on my system then jeans and thats pretty important right now. I wish i could go to a real doctor, but that would entail changing insurance and if that happened i'd have to change therapists. I think i touched on that in my last post. Thats why i was talking about different therapists; my mom is looking into different insurances. Shes also not happy with a nurse practitioner but for her its more of a, and i dont like saying this but its true, snooty thing. She has problems that shes managed to take care of herself and therefore her practitioner can handle it. My problem is that i need a real doctor. The medication this practitioner and the psychiatrist from this same clinic thing have given me (four different medications in total) have made me EXTREMELY sick. The rispiridone my practitioner gave me made me really really dizzy and ill on the day before my birthday which was my 'family party' day and my pet rat died that day. That was supposed to be a fun day, celebrating my 21st birthday and all with my grandparents and parents with veggies and chips and dip (shoosh, the veggies and dip were addictive haha) and my favorite cake, but nope. Had to go icky. Last week, i was given three medications that i'm still feeling sick from. At least that other medication i was given i felt fine and back to normal after a couple days. I'm glad i felt good enough to go to my boyfriends to celebrate my 21st with him and our friend. I might be stuck going to my practitioner because i need more Ondansetron since i only have four left and i get nauceous pretty much constantly and since i'm still feeling horrid and i've had the runs for the past week (yes its too much info, but i'm sure you can handle that.) which isnt good and i'm still exhausted and still just standing or walking can make me sick to my stomach. I seriously thought i was on my way to puking this past wensday when bf and i walked to the grocery store to get me some food. I had to sit down almost like every five minutes and felt sick. Ugh 2:09pm. Seriously? it only took me 10 minutes to write all this? jeez. I guess i should get ready, my tummy is calming down and i need to talk to my therapist about this and get his opinion. That reminds me, i also need to call my schools disability center and the hospital and fill out FAFSA again. <-- lazy

wish me luck